Black Hole

Oh God
I'm right back in that limbo world again -
Can't feel you close to me -
Can't feel anything.
It seemed as if things were fine -
Walking in the light -
The suddenly, panic; it's all dark;
I'm drowning.

Worries - no more than they were before
Yet they are now so heavy,
So unsolvable,
so endless,
Sucking me down -
And I'm listening to the enemy
Who is condemning me to death
with his sly lies.

Doctors tell me that feeling 'low',
Is just another illness -
Brought on by stress, hormone, exhaustion, debility.
Then why do I feel so guilty about it?
So powerless to drag myself out?
So unguarded.

Where is my knowledge of you being there -
Right beside me -
Part of Me?
While my feelings scream
That because I'm like this
I have failed you,
Therefore I am less than nothing
Useless, Rubbish?

Please give me the disciplined mind,
to refuse to entertain these trespassing thoughts.
Which have no right to be there.
Because I am YOUR child -
To wait quietly faith
Until my receiving equipment is repaired
and switched on again
And I can feel you
Filling me with your big heart
Forgiving
Empowering
And re mobilising me.

Where you have been all the time.

- Shirley Vickers